À la folie

To insanity

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Having an irrational urge to kiss the guy on the train next to me goodbye even though I don’t even know him and we haven’t said a word to one another? He isn’t even super attractive what is wrong with my brain?

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Day seven

I forgot to mention that I finally saw the very smiley Kim Crow today twice! She smiled and said hi both times.


One of the Freo boys even had a chance to talk to her which must have been awesome. It’s really nice to see that she’s so friendly even though she is so talented and is constantly around people that idolise her.

Filed under SIRR 2014 Nationals 2014 Sydney rowing

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Day seven

Jex the wonderboy is gone. 
After enjoying his antics for just over a day, he moved into accomodation with some other swannies rowers. Although I barely know the kid, it was nice knowing him while I did.

Anyway, back to rowing. After much stress last night, I went out and did myself proud. I rowed my own race and though my time was slower than my heat, times today were slow. I flew out of the blocks and was third coming into the first five hundred, then began dropping in the middle thousand. I maintained and stayed in fifth into the final five hundred then looked across and saw that fourth was Very close to me. In a last ditch effort I sprinted the last two fifty and just caught her. Although it was close, I knew I’d beaten her, as you can see in evidence of the hardly repressed smile I had on my face in this picture which was taken right on the line.

I came fourth in the B final at my first nationals. Fourth! Me, with my too- big oar handles and my poor preparation leading into nationals. With my borrowed, shared boat and loaned, awesome, stroke coach. I didn’t win, but winning wasn’t my goal this year. I rowed my race and achieved more than what I wanted or expected from nationals. Most importantly, I enjoyed myself, and realised how much work I have to do coming into state season to put myself in a good position for next year.

And for that, I am happy.


In other news, my double did awfully. Caitlin and I went out and had a good row but it just wasn’t there. The rating was too high, the legs weren’t on, it wasn’t together. But we weren’t this poor crew who competed earlier in the day and fell in on the finish line. 


So for that, I am glad.

Tonight, we also had a mexican themed night organised by the juniors. It was awesome. Fake moustaches were compulsory.

Quad is tomorrow and that should be interesting. It’ll either be there or it wont.

Filed under Nationals 2014 SIRR 2014 sydney rowing

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Working stuff out in my brain.

What I’m worried about for tomorrow;
-doing shit in my singles final
-looking bad
-disappointing Chris + others
-letting Caitlin down in our double
-fucking up

Why?
-I don’t feel like I’m good enough or that I deserve to be in the final.
-I’m very self conscious of my ability to perform- same thing goes for fucking up; I just do not want to make a mistake when so many of my idols are potentially watching me.
-Caitlin is so much more experienced than me and I just feel weird in our double- right now, let alone when we actually pick up speed- it just feels wrong and I can’t put my finger on why. I know the angles are wrong but I know I can’t do anything about mine without affecting my technique. I can’t get down the slide quick enough sometimes and pushing back just seems mismatched.
-Chris and everyone back hone have done so, so much to get me here and part of me feels like I don’t deserve it.

What can I do about it?
-Stop caring. Race MY race and do the best that -I- can do and not give a shit about what anyone else is doing or thinking.
-Talk to Caitlin about our double and the pitch, ratio and angles.
-Remind myself that everyone is proud of me for just getting this far without me being a standout in races.
-Race my own races and appreciate what everyone has done for me without negating my ow. experience of competing at nationals.
-remember what I’m like as a spectator for races that I’m not racing in and remember that that is probably how worlds athletes are if/when they even watch the interstate races.

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Day 6

We have adopted a Swannies rower.

After being stuck at the course all of yesterday I just had a light session this morning with Caitlin and went home and missed all of the drama of the under 19 eight. I’ll skim over that because I couldn’t honestly tell you what actually happened and who was in the wrong.. let’s just say that all the girls are cranky and need to have a good eat and sleep.

Anyway.. Jex is like 17 years old and is the biggest teenager I have ever seen. As I was studying alone today he came in and talked to me for an hour or so while waiting for Will and Josh to come home. He explained that his room had been quarantined because one of the rowers was sick and that he didn’t have anywhere to sleep. He then asked if we had any spare beds, charged his phone and went for a run. He came back after dinner and now he’s sleeping here and Zoe has moved out.. Weird. 

So yeah. I have another day off tomorrow and am hungry for racing. I am keen for a double finals day on Thursday.

Filed under SIRR 2014 Nationals 2014 Sydney rowing

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I love everything about her, and I’m not a guy who says that lightly. I am a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted too. And there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming, and humbling. And even painful, at times. But I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably, in love with her. More than she knows.

(Source: tarans-killam, via the--lesbrarian)